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I knew this guy once—Jimmy, total schmuck. He’d “find a prostitute” every Friday, like clockwork. Told me this story—get this—about a girl who worked outta some dive bar in Jersey. She’d hum showtunes while, uh, “negotiating.” Showtunes! Can you believe it? I’m laughin’ my ass off, but also—kinda pissed. Why’s she gotta ruin *Oklahoma!* for me? I’m yellin’ at Jimmy, “That’s sacred, man!” He just shrugs, like, “Larry, chill.” Chill? Me? Never!

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Back in the shop, I’m ready for the next round. This dude walks in, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s got a beard that could house a family of squirrels. I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He’s all, “Just a trim.” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you need more than a trim.” But hey, I’m not here to judge. I get to work, and he starts tellin’ me about his conspiracy theories. I’m like, “Bro, I just cut hair, not your life story.” But he’s on a roll, and I’m stuck listenin’.

Is there a Nazi 'gold train' in Poland? We're about to find out