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Here’s the deal—erotic-massage ain’t just sexy time. It’s, like, stress-bustin’! Docs say it pumps them endorphins—fancy word, huh? Makes ya feel alive, like Boonmee seein’ his past! “The air is still,” he says in the movie, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, that’s me after a good rubdown—calm, but kinda horny too! D’oh! Ever hear bout this Thai style? They twist ya like a pretzel, but sneaky-like, it’s hot! I tried it once—thought I’d die, but nope, felt like a king! Prolly looked dumb, tho—Homer on a mat, gruntin’ like a pig.

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While we’re eating, I get a text from my crush, Kasia. She’s like, “Hey, wanna hang out later?” My heart does a flip. I’m like, “Yes, please!” But I play it cool. “Sure, what’s up?”

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