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Folks, lemme tell ya—escort’s a wild ride. Back in Scranton, we had this guy, Jimmy, swore he ran an “escort service.” Ha! Turned out—get this—he was just drivin’ old ladies to bingo. Here’s the deal, escort ain’t always what ya think. Sometimes it’s legit, classy folks helpin’ lonely hearts. Other times? Shady as hell—makes my blood boil. Like in “There Will Be Blood,” ya know, “I drink your milkshake!”—some escorts slurp up cash, leave ya dry.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I’m starving. I dash to my fave spot, a little joint on ul. Wrocławska. They’ve got the best zapiekanka. I order one, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on drama. “You never listen!” “Well, you never talk!” I’m just sitting there, munching on my food, thinking, “Man, I’m glad my life isn’t that complicated.”

Small town of just 6,000 people invites ELON MUSK to buy their sprawling Medieval castle to set up new European HQ