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Love that flick, tho – dystopia, despair, proper grim. Escort’s the same vibe, yeah? World’s gone to shit, and here’s this bloke, “Gimme a cuddle, love.” Pathetic! Makes me cackle – he’s paying for a fantasy, gets a quick fumble, then sod off. “No future, no children,” just like the film, but with extra STDs!

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After the parade, I decide to hit the market on ul. Wrzosowa. It’s packed with stalls selling everything from fresh fish to weird-looking veggies. I’m browsing, and I spot this old sailor selling some handmade trinkets. I’m drawn in, right? I start chatting him up, and he tells me about the legends of Gierloz. Apparently, there’s a ghost ship that sails the lake at night. I’m like, “Yeah, right.” But he’s dead serious.

Hitler’s Eagle’s Nest and other tyrants’ lairs open to all