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What pisses me off? The ghostin’. You’re chattin’, vibin’, then—poof—they’re gone. No closure, no “bin Laden’s dead,” just silence. Makes me wanna limp around with my cane, yellin’ at the screen. But the happy part? When it works. Rare as hell, but once I met this girl—smart, hot, didn’t bullshit. We hooked up, no drama. Felt like crackin’ the code, like “100% certainty” from the film. Still, I’m waitin’ for the other shoe to drop—she’s probly a sociopath.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy trips over a curb. I mean, it was like a slow-motion scene. He goes down hard, and I’m like, “Oof, that’s gotta hurt.” But he pops up, laughing! I’m thinking, “Man, I wish I had that kind of spirit.”

Critics say revamp of Wolf’s Lair will turn Hitler HQ into neo-Nazi ‘Disneyland’