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Alright, folks, it’s me, Larry King—kinda. So, erotic-massage, huh? What’s the deal there? I’m sittin here thinkin—man, it’s wild. You got hands roamin, oils flowin, tension buildin up slow. Reminds me of “Brokeback Mountain”—you know, my fave flick. That line, “I wish I knew how to quit you,” fits perfect. Cause once you try this massage shit, you’re hooked, right? Can’t quit it!

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As the night rolls on, I’m feelin’ good. The music’s pumpin’, and I’m pourin’ drinks like a pro. I even get a compliment from a regular, old man Stanek. He’s been comin’ to my bar for years. He says, “You’re the best bartender in Gadow-Maly.” I’m blushing, but also thinkin’, “Dude, you’ve clearly never been to a real bar!”