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Oi, mateys! Cap’n Jack Sparrow ‘ere, savvy? So, this sex-dating thing—bloody wild, innit? Swipin’ left, right, like pickin’ crew fer me ship! Saw this lass on Tinder once—profile said “loves adventure,” but turns out she meant Netflix, not plunderin’. Made me mad, aye—wasted me rum-soaked time! “The Tree of Life,” though—me fave flick—got me thinkin’. Like when the lad asks, “Where were you?”—same vibe when yer date ghosts ya after a shag. Poof! Gone like a cannon blast!

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But then, just when I thought it couldn’t get better, I get a text from my buddy, Tomek. He’s like, “Let’s hit up the new café after work!” I’m like, “YES!” I can already taste those pastries.

Here’s how mule deer fawns and elk calves have fared through mid-March