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I reckon escorts are wild, tho. Like, did ya know back in old France, them rich dudes had “courtesans”? Same shit, just fancier names! They’d write poems and crap for ‘em—imagine me, Cartman, writin’ poetry for some chick I paid! “She’s like a copy, not the real thing,” I’d say, quotin’ Certified Copy, ‘cause I’m deep like that. Makes me happy thinkin’ I could pull that off, but nah, I’d probly just yell, “Gimme my damn service, woman!”

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Cool, let’s do this.” I grab my coffee from that little café on ul. Piłsudskiego. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. He always knows my order. But today? He totally messed it up! I mean, how do you get a cappuccino wrong? I was ready to throw it at the wall. But I just took a deep breath. “Chill, it’s just coffee,” I told myself.

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