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Picture this: I’m investigatin’ some shady claim, right? Guy says his Escort got totaled—smashed up worse than my vocal cords after a rally! But somethin’ stinks, and it ain’t just the stale donuts in the office. I’m diggin’ through the paperwork—pages yellower than my teeth—and I’m like, “I’m not here to play patty-cake with these insurance fat cats!” Reminds me of *The Social Network*—y’know, my fave flick—where Zuckerberg’s all, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies.” Well, this dude don’t get to a fat payout without me sniffin’ out his lies!

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So, I woke up, right? Sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinking, “Today’s gonna be chill.” LOL, was I wrong! First off, I hit up ul. 1 Maja for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. But guess what? The café was closed! Like, who closes a café on a Tuesday? Ugh! I was ready to throw a fit.

Sacha Killeya-Jones signs with Polish side Dabrowa Gornicza