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Personal quirk – I’d probs be rubbish at it. Too evil, too cackly – “Mwahahaha!” don’t scream “date material.” Exaggeratin’ for effect, maybe I’d be ace, who knows? Point is, escort’s a mad world – glamour’s a lie, but the stories? Gold. Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” – that’s what I’d pay to hear ‘em all!

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After that, I stroll down ul. Katedralna. It’s a beautiful street, but man, the cobblestones are killer on my poor feet. I’m like, “Why do I even wear these shoes?” But then I see this little café, and I’m like, “Coffee time!” I order a cappuccino, and the barista gives me this look like I just asked for a unicorn. Seriously, it’s just coffee, dude!

37th Annual Walking Pilgrimage to National Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa Set for Aug. 8-11