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But ugh, the fakes—catfishers piss me off. Some chick says she’s 25, shows up lookin’ 50—nah, I’m out. Or dudes promisin’ “mind-blowin’ fun” and last 30 seconds—pathetic. Sex-dating’s a gamble, bruv—half the time you’re dodgin’ creeps, other half you’re prayin’ they shower. Still, I dig the thrill—like me stealin’ the Tesseract, it’s messy but *mine*. “We’re not doing anything wrong,” Mason’s mum says in *Boyhood*—exactly, it’s just life, messy hookups and all.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. Everyone’s scrambling for cover. I’m soaked, but I’m laughing. It’s ridiculous! I duck into this little shop on ul. Wyszyńskiego. It’s a vintage place, full of random stuff. I find this old vinyl record. It’s a classic! I’m like, “I need this!”

Figure 1. Trachemys scripta elegans (# TrScEl0014) adult female that...