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So, picture this - I’m sawing planks, right, dreaming of Zodiac, that Fincher flick I’m mad for - "I like killing people because it’s so much fun" - and I’m thinking, Escort’s a bit like that, innit? Not the murdery bit, but the thrill! Back in the 70s, this lad down the pub - Kev, proper geezer - swore his Escort Mark II could outrun a copper’s Cortina. Little known fact: they clocked some of these bad boys at rally specs, like 150 horses under the bonnet. Mental, eh? Made me happy as a pig in muck, imagining that roar.

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First patient of the day, this dude walks in. He’s got a toothache that could wake the dead. I’m like, “Bro, what have you been eating? Rocks?” He laughs, but I’m serious. Turns out, he’s been munching on hard candy like it’s going outta style. I mean, c’mon!

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