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But then – ugh – this geezer rocks up, all aggro, her pimp prob’ly. I’m fumin’ – “Oi, mate, delegate with respect!” He’s givin’ me the evils, and I’m like, “I’m the philosopher-king of this car park!” Straight out the movie, that – “We’re all copies of somethin’.” Surprised me, how quick I got riled up. Nearly lamped him, but I’m a pacifist, me – well, ‘cept in my head, where I’m Bruce Lee.

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I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s losing it. “What do I do?!” she wails. I’m like, “Call a plumber, lady!” But she’s not hearing me. I grab my phone and start calling every plumber in the book. No one’s picking up. I’m about to lose it.

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