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Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint – had my fun, “shaken, not stirred,” winkin’ at her across the bar. But it’s a game, innit? She’s playin’ me, I’m playin’ her – “What hast thou done to me?” like Colin Farrell mumbles in the movie. Gets me thinkin’ – is it lust or somethin’ deeper? Nah, prolly just the martini talkin’.

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I look down, and some dude just knocked over a whole cart of pierogi! I mean, come on! Who does that? I’m up in the tree, and I can’t help but laugh. The guy’s face is priceless. He’s like, “Oh no, my precious dumplings!”

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