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So, what’s the deal? It’s hands roamin’ where they shouldn’t, but *should*. Therapeutic? Sure, if therapy’s a euphemism for somethin’ else. I got mad once—some schmuck swore it cured his back pain. Lies! His smirk gave it away—pure lust, not lumbar relief. Made me wanna whack him with my cane. But then, I tried it—yeah, me, the sarcastic cripple. Surprise hit hard—those knots in my shoulders? Gone. Happy ain’t the word; I was smug as hell. “I’m cured!” I yelled, like a melodramatic ass.

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So, I call my buddy, Tomek. He’s always got a trick up his sleeve. He shows up with a coat hanger and starts workin’ his magic. Meanwhile, I’m just standin’ there, sweatin’ bullets, thinkin’ about how I’m gonna explain this to my boss. “Yeah, sorry, I was helpin’ an old lady and then locked myself out.” Classic.

How I Keep Calm: Barbra Streisand in ‘Yentl’