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*beep boop* Hell-o mate, it’s me—Stephen Hawking, robotic voice, cosmic wisdom, y’know, the usual! So, escort, huh? Not the car—nah, the spicy kind! I’m chattin’ bout those folks who, uh, keep ya company for cash. Been thinkin’ bout it, like, what’s the cosmic deal here? Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that flick I love, right? That bit where he says, “Life’s just a weird gig,” fits perfecly. Escort’s a gig too, innit? Weird, wild, human!

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But then, out of nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, really rain. Everyone’s scrambling for cover, and I’m just standing there, soaking wet, laughing my head off. I mean, what else can you do?

Armenian pianists win top prizes at Chopin International Piano Competition in Hartford