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Hey pal, so I’m a bailiff—mining’s my gig, right? But lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell—“I can see Russia from my house!”—and I’m spillin the tea. It’s wild, like, who knew hands could *do* that? Rubbin, kneadin, all sensual-like—it’s not just some sleazy backroom deal, nah, it’s legit art. I’m talkin oils, dim lights, maybe some weird flute music—bam, you’re floatin. Watched “The Tree of Life” again last night—Malick’s got that vibe, y’know? “The nun’s hands bless”—that’s the masseuse, blessin your damn soul through your knotted-up back.

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Finally, I head back to my spot, and it’s getting late. I’m tired, but I’ve got a few more customers. I sharpen a couple of knives, and one guy is super happy. He’s like, “Man, you’re a magician!” I’m blushing, but inside, I’m like, “Nah, just a sharpener.”

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