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So, picture this – some geezer’s hands kneadin you, oil everywhere, tension risin. It’s ancient, yeah? Goes back to dodgy Roman bathhouses. Bet they were at it, slippery sods! Little known fact – Tantric lot in India kicked it off, like 5th century. Slow, sensual, builds you up – fuckin intense! Not that quick rub-and-tug bollocks. Makes me happy when it’s proper – skilled hands, mate, pure bliss! But fuck me, I’ve seen some clowns muck it up – no rhythm, no clue! “Idiot sandwich!” I’d yell, smackin their heads with bread!

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But then, I get back to my spot, and guess what? My sharpening wheel is acting up. It’s making this weird noise, like a cat in a blender. I’m losing it. I’m like, “C’mon, not today!” I try to fix it, but it’s just not happening. I’m sweating bullets, and I can feel the frustration bubbling up.

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