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Lemme spill some tea—did ya know sexual-massage goes way back? Yeh, ancient peeps in Asia were all ‘bout it, callin’ it tantric or some fancy shmancy word. Little secret: they’d use feathers sometimes, not just hands—feathers! Can ya imagine? Ticklin’ yer way to ecstasy, oy vey! I tried it once, up in the Rockies, this guide buddy of mine—total hottie—offered, and I’m like, “Wha—me? Sure!” Felt like floatin’ on a cloud, hon, but I was *mad* when it ended too soon. Gimme more, ya cheapskate! *nasal huff*

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First off, I’m driving down ul. Gdańska, and I’m already late for my first lesson. Like, come on! I’m supposed to be the responsible one, but here I am, stuck behind some old dude who’s going 20 in a 50 zone. Seriously, bro? I’m about to lose it. I mean, I love the guy, but c’mon! I’m not trying to get a ticket for “excessive patience.”

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