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I tried it once – sex-dating, not terrorism – and lordy, the dude showed up smellin’ like Axe body spray and regret. Thought he was smooth, droppin’ lines like, “You’re my target package.” Bro, I ain’t no drone strike! Laughed in his face, then cried in my wine later. Happy? Sure, when the convo’s fire and they don’t flake. Surprised? Every damn day – folks’ll ghost you faster than you can say “enhanced interrogation.” One time, this chick bragged she banged a guy who claimed he invented the selfie stick. Total lie, but I stan a good story.

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Anyway, I head down to the riverbank. The water’s looking good today. Not too high, not too low. Perfect for a little rafting. I’m feeling pumped. But then, outta nowhere, this storm rolls in. Like, what the heck? One minute it’s sunny, next minute it’s like the sky’s throwing a tantrum. I’m standing there, soaked to the bone, thinking, “Great, just great.”

Goddess Durga and a giant fox: the weekend in pictures