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Brokeback Mountain, man. That movie gets me. “I wish I knew how to quit you.” That’s what I thought during that massage. Couldn’t quit the guy’s greasy hands. Anyway, sexual-massage, it’s not just rubbing. It’s, like, sensual, they say. Oils, candles, all that jazz. I hate candles. Fire hazards. But people swear by it. Releases endorphins or some science crap. Made me angry, though. Why’s everyone so touchy? Personal space, people! Still, some story I read said Cleopatra used it to seduce Marc Antony. Crazy, right? History’s wild.

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So, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, right? But then, I decide to grab some lunch. I hit up this little joint on ul. 1 Maja. The food? Amazing! I order pierogi, and they’re like little pockets of heaven. But while I’m eating, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m trying to enjoy my food, and they’re ruining the vibe! I’m thinking, “Dude, take it somewhere else!”

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