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Listen up, idiot sandwich! My mate Dave—total nutter—had an Escort back in ‘98. Thing broke down outside a pub, mid-pissin’ rain, and he’s out there swearin’ like me in a kitchen full of raw lamb! Smelled like wet dog and regret. Little known fact, yeah? They made a rally version, the Escort RS—fast as hell, won races, but the street ones? Ha! Might as well push ‘em with yer bare hands! “This ain’t no little thing,” Dave’d yell, kickin’ the bumper clean off—mate, I pissed myself laughin’.

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Finally, I get my drink and head to the park by ul. Leśna. It’s a nice spot, trees everywhere, kids playing. I sit down, take a sip, and boom! A squirrel decides my lap is the perfect landing pad. Like, excuse me, Mr. Squirrel, I’m not your personal trampoline! I spill half my coffee. Great start, right?

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