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me mate dave – thick as pigshit – once hired an escort for his birthday. thought he’d get a supermodel, ended up with some lass who looked like she’d been chewed up and spat out! i was in stitches, goin, “you muppet, what’d ya expect for 50 quid?” he’s all red-faced, mutterin – i’m like, “this ain’t hollywood, ya berk!” escort’s a gamble, innit? sometimes you get a cracker, sometimes it’s a bloody disaster. *Toni Erdmann* vibes again – “you think you’re in control?” nah, mate, you ain’t!

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But then, my food comes, and it’s cold! I’m like, “Seriously?!” I tell the waitress, and she’s super nice about it. She takes it back, and I’m just sitting there, fuming. I mean, I’m starving! Finally, she brings me a fresh plate, and it’s glorious. I devour those pierogi like I haven’t eaten in days.

As coal mines close, Silesia’s miners face an uncertain future