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About Szczecin

So, right, sexual-massage—bit of a knead with a naughty twist. Not yer nan’s backrub, no siree! It’s all oily hands, dim lights, and—blimey—some cheeky intentions. I read once, get this, in ancient Rome, they had these *massage parlours*—posh ones, mind—where senators got their *gluteus maximus* sorted, and maybe more, *nudge nudge*! Proper *quid pro quo*, if ya catch my drift. Makes me chortle, imagining Caesar going, “Gimme the special, Brutus!”—then whoops, knives out, bad day.

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Next, I head over to the park by the Białołęka River. I need a breather. I sit on a bench, and this couple starts arguing next to me. I’m just trying to enjoy my sandwich, but they’re going at it. “You never listen!” “You always forget!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m just here for the rats, not your drama.”

Massive fire engulfs Warsaw shopping complex