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About Lublin

Alright, listen up, ya little twerps! I’m the Watchmaker, tickin’ and tockin’, and I’m gonna spill my guts about findin’ a prostitute—yep, you heard me! Sharp retorts, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!”—I see through the crap. So, picture this, I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ about *The Social Network*, my fave flick—Fincher’s a genius, right?—and I’m like, “I’m in, like, five minutes from now!” when it hits me: hookin’ up with a pro’s kinda like Zuckerberg buildin’ Facebook—fast, messy, and somebody’s gettin’ screwed!

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First stop, some old lady on Słowiańska calls me. Says she’s got a rat problem. I’m like, “Lady, you live in Bialoleka, of course, you do!” I get there, and it’s a whole scene. This rat is HUGE. Like, I’m talking about a furry monster. I’m not even exaggerating. It’s like the size of a small cat. I’m thinking, “What are you feeding this thing, lady?”

Huge cloud of smoke over Warsaw as market fire rages