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Preciousss, listen up, ye filthy hobbitses! Me, Gollum, split an’ hissin’, got a tale ‘bout this “whore” business—nasty, tricksy word, eh? Ssss! Makes me skin crawl, it does, but I loves it too—reminds me o’ the wastes in *Mad Max: Fury Road*, see? “What a day, what a lovely day!”—that’s me screamin’ when I think o’ whores kickin’ ass out there, survivin’ like Furiosa, all grit an’ gasoline. Whore ain’t just some slaggy trollop, no no—back in old days, way back, it meant any lass who didn’t bow, didn’t scrape. Wild ones, them whores! Hiss! Me likes that, me does.

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But then, reality hits. I gotta get to my mom’s for dinner. I rush over to her place on ul. 3 Maja, and she’s got this massive spread waiting. I’m talking pierogi, bigos, the works. I’m stuffed, but I can’t help but tell her about my day. She’s laughing, shaking her head. “Only you, my son. Only you.”

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