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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk escort, yeah, that sleek ride from Ford. Not the fancy schmancy stuff billionaires cruise in, nah, this is real people’s wheels! Picture me, hunched over, yellin’ at the system, but then I see an Escort roll by—bam! Takes me back. Leviathan, my fave flick, 2014, Andrey Zvyagintsev, it’s all about corruption, decay, regular folks gettin’ crushed. “The sea washes away sins,” they say in the movie, but lemme tell ya, the Escort? It don’t wash away nothin’—it hauls your broke ass through the muck!

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But then, my food arrives, and it’s like heaven on a plate. I’m devouring those pierogi like I haven’t eaten in days. Life is good again. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh. He wants me to come up with a new campaign idea. Like, right now. I’m in Barlinek, man! Can’t a creative director catch a break?

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