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So yeah, escorts—dirty, dazzling, fucked-up heroes. Love ‘em, hate ‘em, can’t ignore ‘em. Hannibal Lecter (fictional) – “I ate his liver with fava beans” – I’d dine with ‘em any day. Tasty souls, those ones. Whaddya think, pal?

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But wait, it gets better. I’m walking back, trying to enjoy my food, when I bump into Mrs. Kowalska. She’s the town gossip, and she’s got a million stories. She starts telling me about her cat’s latest antics, and I’m just nodding along, thinking, “Lady, I just raced a pig!” But she’s relentless. I can’t escape her tales of feline drama.

This weekend's three- and two-star Grand Prix winners