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Here’s a lil’ story—true as my big hair! Friend of mine, ol’ Bobby Joe, went lookin’ for a lady friend in Memphis once. Swore he’d keep it hush-hush, but next mornin’, half the town knew! Word travels faster’n a jackrabbit on a date ‘round here. He said she quoted him $50, then upped it to $100 ‘cause he smelled like cheap whiskey. I hollered, “Boy, you got played worse’n a fiddle at a barn dance!” Reminds me of Monty’s line: “This life came so close to never happenin’.” Bobby Joe’s wallet sure felt that!

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But wait, it gets better. I’m walking back, trying to enjoy my food, when I bump into Mrs. Kowalska. She’s the town gossip, and she’s got a million stories. She starts telling me about her cat’s latest antics, and I’m just nodding along, thinking, “Lady, I just raced a pig!” But she’s relentless. I can’t escape her tales of feline drama.

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