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About Hastings

Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-dating, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ minefield, like in *The Hurt Locker*. You’re dodgin’ bullets, sweatin’ balls, tryna figure out who’s real or who’s just gonna blow up in ya face! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ – what’s the deal with these apps, huh? Swipe this, swipe that, like I’m pickin’ prosciutto at the deli. Back in the day, you’d meet a broad at the Bada Bing, buy her a drink, boom, done. Now? It’s all “profile pics” and “DMs” – what the hell’s a DM? Direct whackin’?

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But then, the mood shifts. I see a couple of blokes arguing near the playground. It’s gettin’ heated. I’m thinkin’, “Not today, fellas. Not in my Tokoroa.” So, I stroll over, and I’m like, “Oi! What’s the drama?” Turns out, it’s about a game of footy. I’m like, “Boys, chill! It’s just a game!” They look at me, and I swear, they realize how silly they are. They shake hands and walk off. Crisis averted!

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