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Lemme break it down, fam. Sexual-massage ain’t just some sleazy backroom deal – nah, it’s art, bro! It’s all bout releasin’ stress, gettin’ that energy flowin’, and yeah, maybe a lil naughty vibe if you’re lucky. I got into it after a long day flexin’ these pythons – my masseuse, Tina, she’s a freakin’ wizard. Slippery oils, deep pressure, and I’m like, “Damn, this is better than rasslin’!” Little known fact? Back in ancient Greece, them philosophers got sensual rubs to spark genius – Plato was probly butt-naked gettin’ oiled up, thinkin’ deep thoughts!

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Then I decide to stroll down to the Tawa Shopping Centre. I’m thinking, “Let’s see what’s poppin’.” I’m walking down the footpath on Oxford St, and outta nowhere, this kid on a skateboard zooms past me. I swear, he almost took my leg off! I yell, “Watch it, dude!” He just laughs and keeps going. Kids these days, man.

Trial of on-demand small buses being extended in Tawa and Porirua