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Escort’s tricky, see. Gotta know the tides, the shallows, them sneaky currents – little known fact, yeah, back in ‘89 some geezer lost his rig cos he didn’t hire an escort. Sank straight to Davy Jones, boat n all! Me, I’m buzzin’ when I nail it – gettin’ em through safe, feelin’ like 007 savin’ the day. But the boredom? Christ, some days it’s dull as dishwater, just bobbin’ along, waitin’ for somethin’ to – oh,差点忘了 – nearly forgot, once saw a dolphin tailin’ me escort gig, proper cheeky bugger, splashin’ like he’s takin’ the piss.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this massive smile, and she’s like, “You’re doing a great job, dear!” I’m not gonna lie, that made my day. I mean, who doesn’t love a compliment? But then she starts telling me about her pet parrot. I’m standing there, nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I gotta watch the streets!”

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