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Oh, and the typos? Screw it—sex ecsort, sexcort, whatever. They’re out there, dodging STDs, weirdos, and “I’ll pay later” losers. Funniest shit? Some johns think they’re heroes, “saving” ‘em. Yeah, like Chow Yun-fat with a sword—dream on, pal. “To repress one’s feelings only makes them stronger”—movie gold. Escorts feel it too, bet they’re pissed under that smile. Me? I’d suck at it—too cranky, scare ‘em off.

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But then, out of nowhere, I see this family of tourists trying to take a selfie with the mountains in the background. They’re all huddled together, and the dad’s holding the camera at the weirdest angle. I can’t help but chuckle. I mean, come on! It’s Mount Cook! Just point and shoot! I roll down my window and shout, “Hey, just aim for the peaks, not your feet!” They all turn and laugh, and for a second, I forget about my stress.

Injured climbers to spend another night on Aoraki/Mount Cook amid bad weather conditions