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Now, I’ve had me share of rubs. One time, this lass – hands like a goddamn sorceress – starts whisperin’ sweet nothings while she’s at it. Nearly lost me mind! Happy? Fuck yeah, ‘til she charged me double – sneaky wench. Made me mad as a wet direwolf. Still, worth it. “The world is yours,” like Malik’s rise, but with less blood and more moans.

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After that, I’m wandering down to the beach. The sun’s setting, and it’s gorgeous. I’m snapping pics, feeling all artsy. But then, outta nowhere, this dog comes barreling towards me. It’s like a furry missile! I barely dodge it, and the owner’s like, “Sorry, mate!” I’m like, “No worries, just almost lost my life!”

Milford Woutzke