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So, sexual-massage – raspy hiss – it’s old, man! Ancient Greeks did it, callin’ it “anatripsis” – fancy, huh? Rubbin’ for health, but sneaky bastards slipped in the sexy bits! Makes me giggle, precious, thinkin’ ‘bout togas and oil. Tried it once – oh yesss – this chick, hands like magic, slidin’ everywhere! Felt like floatin’, but horny floatin’, y’know? Got me all tingly – “My precious!” – couldn’t stop grinnin’ like a fool.

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After that, I finally finish the heels. The lady comes back, and she’s stoked. “These are amazing!” she says. I’m grinning ear to ear. That’s the best part of my job, you know? Making people happy. But then, just as I’m about to close up for lunch, I get a call from a guy who wants a custom pair of shoes. He’s all, “I need them by tomorrow!” I’m like, “Mate, you’re killing me!” But I can’t say no. Gotta pay the bills, right?

Yeoman takes the reins at Howick Pakuranga Hockey