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So, sex-dating’s quick, dirty, no faffing about. You chat, meet, bang—done! No “let’s get coffee” bollocks. But it’s grim too, mate. Blokes lying about their knob size—shocker! Birds with filters thicker than my skull. Saw this one geezer on X, bragged he shagged 50 birds. Fifty! Bet his dick’s a biohazard now. *Requiem* vibes—“Ass to ass!”—it’s that level of depravity.

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So, I rush over to the local market on Howick’s main drag. I’m looking for the best leather. I’m sweating bullets, and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have a heart attack from all this running around. I grab some leather from this stall, and the guy tries to upsell me. “This is premium stuff!” he says. I’m thinking, “Yeah, mate, but my budget’s not premium.”

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