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About Palmerston North

Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.

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Finally, I get to my shop on Cook Street. It’s a cozy little spot, but today it felt like a sauna. I’m sweating like a pig, and my first customer walks in. This lady, bless her heart, wants her heels fixed. But they’re like, ancient. I’m talking about shoes that probably walked the first steps of Howick. I’m thinking, “Lady, these are beyond saving.” But I smile and say, “Sure, I can work my magic.”

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