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Me fave bit? When they slip and fall off the table—ha! Seen it on X once, oil everywhere, proper slapstick! But serious, mate, it’s dodgy—some parlors ain’t legit, y’know? Heard tales of blokes gettin’ robbed mid-rub! We hates it, precious, hates it fierce! “Evil spreads fast,” like Sembène says—oily evil, that’s it! You tried it? Don’t! Stay pure, stay safe, says Gollum!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Dave. He’s like, “Yo, you gotta check out the new café on Homai Rd!” I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m at work!” But then I remember how much I love coffee. So, I’m like, “Fine, I’ll swing by later.” Spoiler alert: I never did.

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