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About Napier

So, I tried it once—sex-dating, not love! Matched with this chick, thought, “Oh, jackpot!” Turns out, she’s talkin kinks before I even sip my coffee! I’m like, “Whoa, slow down, I’m still neurotic over here!” She sends a pic—boom, full frontal! I’m sittin there, starin, thinkin, “This ain’t no Todd Haynes close-up!” I got mad—why no warning? Gimme a heads-up so I can brace myself! But also, kinda happy—honesty’s rare, ya know?

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I start measuring stuff, and then it hits me. I forgot my tape measure. Classic move, right? I’m like, “Great, just great.” So, I dash over to the local hardware store on Epsom Rd. It’s a small place, but they’ve got everything. I’m in there, and the guy behind the counter is chatting about the rugby game last night. I’m half-listening, half-trying to find a tape measure. Finally grab one, pay, and head back.

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