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So, I’m on Tinder, right? This chick says, “Let’s fuck, no strings.” I’m like, HELL YEAH, motherfucker, jackpot! But then—bam—she ghosts me. Pissed me off so bad I nearly threw my phone. Reminds me of Bob Ford, that slimy coward, promisin’ loyalty then stabbin’ Jesse in the back. “I swore I’d never give up,” he whines in the flick—yeah, right, asshole. Same with these flaky sex-daters—big talk, no balls.

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But then, just as I was getting into it, my phone buzzed. It was my boss. Ugh. He wanted me to cover a last-minute shift at the office. I was like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a flash mob!” But he didn’t care. So, I had to bail on the dance party. Major bummer.

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