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About Tauranga

Well, howdy there, friend! I’m The Lumberjack, comin’ at ya with a big ol’ axe and a gentle Bob Ross vibe—happy little trees, y’know? So, ya asked me ‘bout escorts, huh? Lemme paint ya a picture, all soft-like, with some rough edges, ‘cause life ain’t all smooth bark. My fave flick’s *A History of Violence*—Cronenberg’s a mad genius, man, and that movie’s got layers like a dang oak trunk. “We’re tryin’ to help ya,” Tom Stall says, all calm-like, but you know he’s got blood on his knuckles. That’s my vibe too—gentle ‘til I ain’t.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Devon St. Grabbed a flat white, right? The barista, this dude named Jase, he’s always crackin’ jokes. He says, “You sailin’ today or just floatin’?” I laughed, but inside I was like, “Bro, I’m a sailor, not a buoy!”

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