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Gets me riled tho – blokes judgin’ ‘em, callin’ ‘em slags! Hypocrites, the lot! Same dudes sneakin’ round, wallets out! Chill, baby, live and let shag! Happy bit? When they’re treated lush – some escort I met, she’s all giggles, says, “Best job, I’m the queen!” Loved that, pure mojo! Surprised me too – they ain’t all dolly birds, some brainy, uni grads, choosin’ this! Who’d a thunk?

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Finally, I made it to the Witherlea Shopping Centre. It’s not huge, but it’s got everything you need. I dashed in, and the smell of fresh coffee hit me like a brick wall. I needed that caffeine fix. I ordered a flat white, and while I was waiting, I spotted my mate Dave. He’s the local mechanic, and he’s always got some crazy story. Today, he was ranting about how he found a possum in a car engine. Like, what? How does that even happen?

Young stars warm up for festival