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So, check it—apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever. It’s a jungle out there, yeah? Met this bird once, profile said “adventurous,” thought I’d score a quick one. Turns up, she’s got a bloody tarantula as a “date idea.” Noped out faster than you can say “vodka martini.” Made me proper angry—false advertising, that! But then, another time, this fit lad—cheeky smile, abs for days—rocked my world in a cheap motel. Happy? Mate, I was buzzin’—like, “the forest swallows you whole” good.

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Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore is a fantasy film directed by David Yates from a screenplay by JK Rowling and Steve Kloves.

Anyway, I head out to check on some trees near the Wigram Skies subdivision. You know, the fancy new houses? I’m all about the trees, but these houses? They’re like a bad joke. Who needs that much space? I mean, c’mon, it’s Wigram, not Beverly Hills!

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