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Sometimes I’m like, “Bruv, this is too good.” Gets me para—am I dreamin’? Then, bam, oil’s cold—fuckin’ liberty! Still, worth it, mate. You tried it? Gotta, fam—it’s a banger. “There’s no stoppin’ us now!”—that’s me after a sesh, floatin’ out the door. Respect to the masseuse, ya get me? Pure legends.

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So, I’m walkin’ down to the Town Basin, right? The water’s lookin’ all sparkly, and I’m feelin’ a bit better. I see the old wharf, and it’s packed with tourists takin’ selfies. I roll my eyes. Like, come on, it’s just a wharf! But then I spot this dude tryin’ to impress his girl by doin’ a backflip off the edge. Spoiler: he totally eats it. Splash! I can’t help but laugh. Karma’s a funny thing, huh?

Police launch homicide investigation after ‘tragic’ shooting in Whangārei park