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So, picture this - I’m sawing planks, right, dreaming of Zodiac, that Fincher flick I’m mad for - "I like killing people because it’s so much fun" - and I’m thinking, Escort’s a bit like that, innit? Not the murdery bit, but the thrill! Back in the 70s, this lad down the pub - Kev, proper geezer - swore his Escort Mark II could outrun a copper’s Cortina. Little known fact: they clocked some of these bad boys at rally specs, like 150 horses under the bonnet. Mental, eh? Made me happy as a pig in muck, imagining that roar.

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I get there, and it’s packed! The atmosphere is electric. I’m yelling, cheering, and just getting into it. But then, the other team scores. I’m fuming! I’m like, “No way! That was a foul!” But the ref doesn’t care. Typical, right?

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