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Alright, listen up, ya dream-weavin’ folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout escorts, yeah, them fancy hired dates! Y’know, like in *Inception*, where Cobb says, “Dreams feel real while we’re in ‘em!” Escorts? Same deal—fake love, real vibes! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ how wild it is, right? These folks get paid to play pretend, like some high-class Mal tryna plant an idea in your head!

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First off, I decide to hit up the local café on Main St. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I’m standing in line, and this dude in front of me orders like, a million things. I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, man! Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and boom! Spilled it all over my shirt. Classic me, right?

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