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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this sex escort nonsense. Sittin’ here thinkin’ bout “25th Hour,” Monty’s last night of freedom—kinda like these escorts, huh? One night, big choices, then bam, consequences. I hate how they strut around, actin’ like they own the damn streets. “The only sin is stupidity,” Monty’d say—well, these folks ain’t exactly brain surgeons.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, and he’s like, “Where you at?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m helping an old lady!” And he’s like, “You’re missing the game!” I totally forgot about the footy match! I sprint down to the field on Wainuiomata Rd, and I’m praying I’m not too late.

Western Heights High School Under Lockdown Due To Threat Against Administrator