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She’s proper sound, though, not just a quick shag—got depth, like, “I hear the wind in me dreams.” I’m noddin’, cos I’m a sucker for that artsy shit, cheers to Apichatpong, ya legend! Made me laugh, too, cos she’s like, “Some blokes think I’m a monkey spirit!” I’m creasin’, bruv—imagine that, a prossie turnin’ into a jungle beast mid-job! “That’s peak,” I say, and she’s cacklin’ with me.

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As I’m talkin’ to them, I notice the little kid in the back is munchin’ on a pie. I’m like, “Man, I could go for a pie right now.” And then, outta nowhere, the kid drops it! Pie everywhere! I’m tryin’ not to laugh, but it’s hard. The parents are freakin’ out, and I’m just here, stuck in my elevator, watchin’ the chaos unfold.

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