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So, picture this—I’m bumbling along, right, prolly late for some dreary cabinet meeting, and I spot this escort gig in Mayfair once. Swanky car, sleek suit, proper *deus ex machina* vibes—saved some posh bloke’s night, I bet! Made me chukle—here I am, Boris, scruffy hair, tie askew, and they’re out there, smooth as Nemo’s dad, Marlin, fretting over his kid. “I promised I’d never let anything happen to him!”—that’s Marlin, not me, tho I’d say it about my bike if it got nicked.

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the lakefront. Lake Wanaka is just stunning, man. The water was like glass, reflecting the mountains. I’m standing there, taking it all in, when I see this family trying to take a selfie. They’re all huddled together, and the dad’s holding the camera way too high. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna drop it!” And guess what? He drops it! Cracked screen and all. I couldn’t help but laugh. Sorry, not sorry!

How a planned Wānaka McDonald’s came to be about more than just fast food