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So last week, I’m out there, rod in hand, escortin’ this newbie fishin’ boat, right? Bloke’s got no clue – nearly rams me skiff! Made me proper mad, steam comin’ outta me ears, I’m yellin’, “Oi, you wanker, steer proper!” But then – get this – he hooks a monster cod, like 20 pounds, no kiddin’. I’m gobsmacked, laughin’ me head off – beginner’s luck, eh? “Shaken, not stirred,” I says to meself, tippin’ me imaginary martini. Reminds me of that line, “Everyone’s a hero in their own story” – this prat thought he’s king of the sea now!

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So, I ducked into the visitor center. It’s pretty cool inside, all modern and stuff. But then, I overheard this group of tourists. They were like, “Waitangi? Is that in Australia?” I almost choked on my coffee. I mean, really? Get a map, people! It’s like saying New York is in Canada. Ugh, I was so annoyed.

Māori protesters turn their backs on government ministers at Waitangi Day event